The New Normal is Not Okay
Issue #15, April 2, 2023
Thursday night we heard the news from the board that a security guard had been hired. The next morning, I dropped my daughter off in front of the little church where our homeschool tutorial meets and saw the bald, sturdy man standing by the door, armed with a gun. Even though I knew what to expect, a weight landed somewhere in the middle of my chest. This is the new normal, I thought.
In the days since the Covenant school shooting here in Nashville, the tutorial board has been working hard behind the scenes, preparing in case of a similar event. I would assume that active shooter drills are coming next. I’m thankful that they are taking these measures and I also can’t believe the words that I’m typing today. We are a small, homeschool tutorial. What is happening?
Threads of Grief
Our family’s world did not go dark last Monday. We did not lose a child suddenly and violently. We did not lose a spouse or a father or mother or friend. In many ways, I feel hesitant to speak into this story at all since I am walking on its edges, but it’s the only story I have to tell. And by less than six degrees of separation, my family feels connected to this tragedy and the wake of grief and anger its left behind.
Nashville may have a church on every corner, but the Christian community in this city is a web of interconnected families and friendships. So even though I didn’t personally know the families who lost loved ones on Monday, there are threads that connect us to that community and to the building where the shooting happened. Here are just a few:
Thread #1: The children of a family at our church attend the school. We got word on Monday from a friend that the kids were safe but the parents were still waiting to be reunited with them.
Thread #2: Our old pastor is the chaplain at the school. A friend texted us shortly after the shooting that he was safe along with his text message sent from the school: Pray like you’ve never prayed before.
Thread #3: My husband attends Scout meetings at Covenant church on Monday nights. He enters through the same doors that were shot out to gain entry.
Thread #4: By late afternoon Monday, moms from our tutorial were texting about their connections to the victims and their families and to the family of the shooter, Audrey Hale. It quickly became clear that the victims’ families and the shooter’s family shared some of the same Christian community here.
The threads are tangled, which makes the grief tangled as well. Everyone I know here holds a similar story of connection. One friend is a teacher at another Nashville school, bravely showing up this week for her students. Another is a parent, placing his child on a bus, with renewed fear and trembling. There is not a corner of the Christian community, or the city of Nashville, that has been left without scars.
Fighting for Hope
For those of us on the fringes, life kept moving forward this week, but conversations inevitably started with or ended with the shooting. From what I’ve sensed when talking with friends, most of us are not angry with God. (But I certainly don’t speak for everyone.)
We know that this is not our home. We know that there will be an end to sickness, pain and death. We know that there will be a last funeral. We know how this story eventually ends.
But while we are still on this earth, we are angry with the leaders in our world who shrug their shoulders at the problem. We are angry at the Tennessee representative who sent a Christmas card of his family holding pretend assault weapons and didn’t see the need to apologize for his idiotic choice after last Monday. In truth, there is a certain shared hopelessness, not in God, but in the belief that we can do anything to prevent the mass shootings that have become a normal part of America. When I told my fourteen-year-old that we should go to the walkout planned for Monday she asked honestly, “Will it make any difference?”
So we bring stuffed animals to the doorstep of a family who plans to pass them out to the children attending the funerals this weekend and next week. We make plans to attend the peaceful walkout to our capitol this Monday. But underneath, the anger seethes, and what we want is the world to wake-up, rub the grime from their eyes, and start protecting lives. We want to believe that one day the director of our tutorial will call that security guard, thank him for his time, and let him know, “You are not needed here anymore.” Are we really asking for too much?
Other Voices
Nashville by Sean of the South
Author and Performer, Sean Dietrich, happened to be in town on the day of the shooting. His words gave voice to the anger and grief.Sad in Tennessee by Sean of the South, his second post about the shooting.
In the Face of Tragedy, Petitioning God is an Act of Faith by David French. Most people online don’t want to hear about our prayers right now. The mere mention of prayer makes them angry. For so many of us we have nothing else to offer right now and we also know that prayer is much more than nothing. David French wrote an editorial in the New York Times in defense of prayer.
Daystar Counseling is a long-standing resource for Nashville families. On Monday, several Daystar counselors headed toward the reunification site to be available there. Sissy Goff recorded a video that day for parents to help them talk to their kids about the shooting. Soon she was being interviewed by Katie Couric. They have several resources available for parents.
How You Can Help
Caring for Covenant Fund: Set up by the The Community Foundation of Middle Tennessee, all donations will go to the Covenant School.
DayStar Counseling Donations: Daystar Counseling is making plans to provide counseling for the students of the school and your donation can help.
Go Fund Me accounts for the family of: Mike Hill, Cynthia Peak, Hallie Scruggs, Will Kinney, Evelyn Diekhaus
Words to Remember
My friend showed me a note written by her ten-year-old daughter to a classmate who lost his friend in the shooting. Her daughter gave me permission to share it here.
“I am so sorry for your loss. The first thing that popped into my mind for you was the lines from Is He Worthy, ‘Do you know that all the dark won’t stop the light from getting through?’ Know that when we sing, ‘We do’, that God WILL someday wipe away every tear from our world… We are glad that your friend is in the BEST place possible now, and you will get to meet her again one day.”
Prayers from the Guest Nest,
-Aimee
Aimee … beautiful. Your writing always touches me so deeply and this post was especially moving. Love you friend.
Thank you for this Amy. I don’t have words. The note written by the ten year was precious.